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 Self Portrait in words


I'm well aware this 'self portrait' may sound a bit pathetique to you, but nevertheless, here it is... I've tried to be honest.
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I sing... like I breathe. We breathe to live.
To me, singing is living.
In my everyday life... I walk around with all these thoughts in my head... – I can’t explain any of all that in words... That’s when I begin to sing.
The more I “practice life”, the better I sing. Somehow its my personality that becomes my instrument.
The truth is... – I guess, I always manage to give the impression that I am a happy and optimistic person. That’s what people expect of you, somehow – we’d all rather be inspired than be confronted with trouble again and again – but the truth is that I am very much kind of a sad and fragile, and far too sensitive person.
And this really is exposed when I write songs, because in music you can only be honest.
Basicly music is about feelings and daring to show them.
This is where I take off the shell around me and I let go of myself.... I begin to express my inner world in sounds, in pictures and atmosheres. Deep down somewhere behind the words, that’s where the intensity lies.
When I sing I am in a state of devotion and nakedness. At that moment I am extremely vulnerable.

The best place to be in this world – for me – is in the middle of a tight swinging group of musicians. It's such a blessed moment when the sounds blend and you get carried away. I can’t really explain the sensation. You get into a second state of mind, it feels like you are no longer part of the grey reality of dailyday life.
Sharing music with others – it’s just the most beautiful thing; to reach someone elses life, to communicate, – realize how much, in fact, we belong together. To get the feeling that we can make this world a better place.
When I sing – it’s like finding a source of energy, it keeps you going with life, keeps your life in tune – and its like a response to all the unanswered questions.

I’ve spent time thinking about the meaning of life.
Apart from reproducing ourselves, I found: well... Doesn’t seem to me like there is any!
So, in our part of the world where all our basic needs are more or less fullfilled, I’ve come to a point where my personal reasons for being alive... MY “meaning of life” it is: to be something for others. And to carry out my dreams.
When I sing... I combine the two.

More than a hundred years ago an old Indian Sufi teacher, Hazrat Khan –, he said it in this way:
”Music touches our innermost being and in that way produces new life, – a life that gives exaltation to the whole being, raising it to that perfection... in which lies the fulfillment... of man’s life.”



Pernilla – 2002